Windscribe Pro For $39! ...but you should still read the rest, we put a lot of effort into these things.
Ah love; the black tar heroin of emotions. Like heroin, love can be hard to find until you know what you are looking for, people go to war over it, and too much of it can kill you. The main difference between heroin and love is that no one has a holiday that celebrates heroin. Unless you are addicted to heroin and just got some, then… uhh… happy heroin day to you, good sir or madam. But for the rest of us, we have Valentine's Day. A day where we celebrate love by spoiling someone with gifts and candy and wines with names like Chablis and Merlot, which you pronounce with a fake French accent to make it more romantique.
But those types of presents are too predictable; you gotta be spontaneous, baby! That's where we come in. Windscribe Pro makes for a great additional "stocking stuffer" of a Valentine's day present for your lover. If it is the only thing you get your significant other, you are insane and they will leave you. But if you add it to some lovely flowers, chocolate, or a fat steak, your lover will look deep into your eyes and sensuously whisper, "thank you for protecting my online identity." That's amore, right there — pure, uncut love.
For those of you who don't have love in your life yet, you could always do a voodoo ritual to ensure you find the love of your life. Here's how: 1) Take a shower, so you smell nice. 2) Buy Windscribe Pro. 3) Get a dog. We can hear your brain trying to figure out if this will work… and we assure you it most definitely will. Your love of online privacy may land you a fine lookin' network administrator or the shower+dog combo could land you a fine somethin' somethin' because it shows you are clean and responsible.
A real reaction to receiving Windscribe Pro
Since we know most of you will already be spending a lot of money on chardonnay and candles, we couldn't, in good conscience, charge you full price for the ultimate Valentine's gift add-on. It would be uncivilized. So prepare yourself for a sick deal… Just $39 shmackaroos for a whole year of Windscribe goodness. It's a deal so good it'll make you pop faster than a Chinese spy balloon. Except the whole world won't be watching you on TV while you do. We… hope?
Still reading, and can't afford Windscribe Pro? Follow us on Twitter and make us laugh. We'll choose 10 random people who do, and furnish them with a FREE Windscribe Pro subscription within 1 week of this email.
Happy Valentines Day you beauties,
Lots of love and smooches,
Team Windscribe
Random Fact
"The word "gorilla" is derived from a Greek word meaning, "A tribe of hairy women.""
No comments:
Post a Comment