But what is the question?
Valentine's day marketing email is always a must in the repertoire of modern-day tech companies. Usually, they tell you all kinds of cuddly wuddly nonsense about loving each other and buying chocolates and gifts to fatten up your loved ones. But we know the nefarious truth behind Valentine's day: it's a conspiracy by Big Business to sell you disgusting cinnamon hearts.
When we created Windscribe, we had only one vision in mind: make a product that is the exact opposite of cinnamon hearts... and Facebook (they are pretty much the same thing). Just like Facebook, cinnamon hearts suck harder than a Dyson taped to a Roomba next to a black hole. For you innocent Windscribe customers that have never tasted these disgusting organ shaped cinnamon nightmares, allow us to describe their flavour: imagine it was possible to taste the global recession, then add expired pickle juice, sausage burps, and the memory of Sarah Miller telling you she won't go out with you in grade 3 because, quote, "your pants are stupid." In fact, the final stage of our hiring process is a simple one-page document with two "yes" checkboxes and the question "do you hate cinnamon hearts and Facebook, yes or yes?". If we notice even a millisecond of hesitation from a potential candidate, we hire them just so we can immediately fire them, then burn the chairs they sat in during the interview. It's that type of particular attention to detail that got us to 30 million users last week.
Our actual hiring process
This is usually the time when we switch gears, get to the point, and try to get you to buy a Windscribe Pro subscription, but considering the global circumstances, we're not going to do that. Take the money that you were gonna use on that shiny new Windscribe Pro subscription, and spend it on someone you like.
... Well, that person may very well be yourself, in which case you should totally buy yourself a Windscribe Pro subscription. Still not convinced? Join us on Reddit, Twitter and even Discord ask fellow Scriberians how their lives changed when they discovered that paying for Windscribe made their lives at least 12% more satisfying. We aren't lying when we tell you we have the best VPN community out there. It's easy to be the best when there is no true competition.
All jokes aside, we wanted to wish each of you a Happy Valentines Day, may you all be surrounded by love, laughter, kindness, and Windscribe Pro - the only app that protects your privacy and tells you the truth about cinnamon hearts.
Random Fact
"At any one time about 0.7% of the world's population is drunk."
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