Be a Genius Instead
Most companies would begin this month with an April fools joke email about how they pivoted their entire business to focus on breeding horses with steel scrubbing pads to create the world's first Coarse Horse, or how they created a whole-fat milk product that helps you lucid dream called Creamy Dreamies (gross). Or perhaps Tinder for the elderly, called Grand-Slam. Okay, that last one was terrible, but you get the point.
But you aren't fools! You'd see right through the ruse! So we have chosen to write to you on April 2nd, a date we lovingly refer to as April Genius Day. Fools don't use VPNs, they prefer going on the internet without any protection. And we all know what happens when you don't use protection on the internet... the internet gets pregnant, and none of us are ready for that type of responsibility yet. Instead, geniuses ensure that their habits and interests are kept away from the dodgy, darting eyes of tracking companies. Geniuses protect their productivity by blocking distracting websites and ads. Geniuses also upgrade to Windscribe Pro to get all the genius features and unlimited server access they can for a great price. What's a great price? How much do geniuses pay for complete protection to avoid having internet babies? Settle down ya genius, we'll tell you.
How our competitors set their prices
How Windscribe sets its prices
This week, and every week after that, each one of you can get Windscribe Pro for only $49/year. Since you're a genius, you may be thinking, "Wait, that's just the normal price". Well, yes, it is. Unlike our competitors, we don't have constant fake discounts designed to trick you into subscribing because it's a "limited time offer," a leap year, or the anniversary of pontification of the 139th Pope (Sylvester II for the curious). You're a genius after all, you'd see through those lies as if they were BS coated plexiglass, if there ever was such a thing.
Upgrade Now For $0.13/day - paid for 365 days in advance
Lastly, but certainly not leastly, we're excited to announce that our DNS service is almost ready for prime time. We took R.O.B.E.R.T., injected him with the finest gluten free steroids money could buy and after a year and a half of development ControlD was born. Check out the website that explains the amazing things you can do with ControlD, then request a beta invite. If you're a Twitter person, feel free to follow ControlD on Twitter, so you can get the latest updates and know when it goes live (should be any day now).
Random Fact
"Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors."
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