Canamurica Day Sale Extravaganza
At Windscribe, we are no strangers to celebrations. But once a year we celebrate a very important event: Canamurica Day. It's a combination of Canada Day and American Independence Day and it answers the question of what would happen if Canada and America combined forces. We could go around the world like "knock knock bitches! Give us all your oil… please" and then just enter a country, take their Beanie Babies, destroy their "pancake syrup" supplies (Canadian maple syrup's competition) and say "thank you" real polite-like. It's the perfect combination of issuing physical threats, getting what you want, and being nice about it.
Sure, America could accomplish this without Canada; all it has to say is "thank you" after the threats-and-invading-countries thing they do already, but logic ain't a part of the Canamurican' constitution! CANAMURICA BABY! You know what is a part of our constitution? A huge sale on Windscribe Pro - only $39/year! Want to read more of the Canamurican Constitution? Of course you do (we highlighted the most important parts):
- All Canamuricans get access to bear arms. Which are guns that shoot full size bears instead of bullets, for you snowflakes out there.
- Our national animal is the Meagle - a combination of the mighty moose, and the soaring eagle.
- All Canamericans are guaranteed the freedom to browse the internet without being tracked online.
- Low fat cheese is illegal and punishable by 25 years in federal prison. If you want to enjoy the taste of cheese, you will face the consequences of high cholesterol and a muffin top like the rest of us.
- No Canamurican will ever be forced to watch ads again, unless it's this one.
- Gay marriage is illegal. So is straight marriage. In fact, all marriage is illegal. If you love someone, you don't need the Canamurican government to make it official. We also don't want your cooties. However, if a Canamurican citizen wants to marry a Popeye's Spicy Chicken Sandwich, we will allow it, but we want a piece. CANAMURICA BABY!
- Complete freedom of religion, as long as you keep your religion to yourself and invite everyone to the celebrations. All places of worship must have comfortable seating (unless you are Orthodox or Muslim then comfortable standing pads and knee pads), delicious free snacks, and one of those Coke machines with a touch screen that dispenses a thousand different drinks. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED!
- Canamuricans can block whatever content they want when they are browsing the internet.
- Committing minor crimes is legal if they are hilarious and you yell "CANAMURICA BABY!" directly afterwards.
- The minimum drinking age in Canamurica is 40, but making fake ID's is legal for those over 18 years of age, so you can feel like a teenager until you are 40. Then you are 40, but at least you can drink legally. Win-win, that's the Canamurican way.
- Every Friday is National Movie Night, but if the movie sucks, the director is summarily executed in a hilarious fashion. Bye bye M. Night, thanks for ruining Avatar: The Last Airbender, ya goof!
- All Canamuricans get unlimited access to all Windscribe servers around the world.
- Pets get free healthcare, but they have to agree to getting a cute photograph taken to put in a calendar. Proceeds of selling said "Cute Pets" calendar pays for their healthcare. That's economics, baby! CANAMURCAAAAA!
- Corrupt politicians, dictators and CEOs are forcibly removed from their position, and used as punching bags at kids martial arts gyms. Enjoy getting kicked in the nuts by giggling infants you dinguses.
- Every Canamurica day is celebrated with a $39/year sale on Windscribe Pro.
- Anyone that pronounces GIF as JIF will be swiftly brought to gustice.
Pour some sugar on me
Impressive isn't it? What's more, it's super easy to get Canamurican Citizenship. All you have to do is upgrade to Windscribe Pro, and you automatically become a Canamurican! It's just $39/year for Windscribe Pro - you'll get access to hundreds of servers around the world, unlimited bandwidth, priority support, Canamurican citizenship and the respect of your family. Not bad for only $39/year. Not bad at all.
Canamurica Day Sale Extravaganza
Get Windscribe Pro and your green card to Canamurica today. Give us more ideas to add to our Constitution on Twitter - the 5 best ideas get 1 Year of Windscribe Pro! Together we can change the world, or at the very least, ban fat-free cheeses.
Love,
Team Windscribe
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