Did you see our last email and notice it was pretty plain? Well, our designer was taken hostage, and thanks to those of you that upgraded to Pro, we were able to make enough money for the ransom. We didn't pay it though, and hired another designer instead. We don't negotiate with terrorists. In the movies, this is the part where everyone claps.
This is it people! The Cyber Monday Sale is almost over! It's your last chance to get Windscribe Pro for $29/year - after that, we might raise our prices to a hundred million billion dollars per month. We'll do it! We're clearly crazy - haven't you read our emails?! Plus, judging from this insane Cyber Monday discount, we clearly have no understanding of financial mathematics. Luckily, our sale ends on Dec 9, after which we can finally start being profitable again!
After two weeks of discounting Windscribe Pro to $29, we've given up so much profit that we've had to resorted to using stale crackers as mattresses, mixing ketchup and water to make soup, and lighting little hobo barrel fires in the office to keep warm. Three employees have already lost pinky fingers from the cold, which is convenient as they can no longer reach the shut down button on their laptops, so they have no choice but to keep coding. The others all have severe dry skin from sleeping on the aforementioned salted cracker mattresses. But it's all been worth it to provide you with the sale of the year.
That just goes to show you the lengths we will go to provide you with the best VPN out there. We'll sacrifice everything for our users, our profits, our dignity, even our pinky fingers and formerly smooth, glass-like KPop-star skin.
Love youuuu,
Team Windscribe
Random Fact
"Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood."
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